Did you know that 60% of adults age 18-34 have at least one chronic illness? According to the CDC, that percentage rises with age until you reach 90% of people over 65. This is something the majority of adult Americans are experiencing right now, and for many of those people, it’s stressful, but not inherently traumatic in nature. So what is it about chronic illness that can become a trauma for some?
As with most things, it’s the dose that counts. Many of those 60% of adults with chronic illness have only one, or have a mild version of that illness. On the opposite end of the spectrum are those with multiple illnesses of moderate to extreme severity. And, those with chronic illness who are also a member of a minority group may face additional hardships around care. So how do you know it’s “bad enough” to be a trauma? Let’s break it down.
I’m a chronically ill therapist with a specialized focus in trauma and C-PTSD. I see clients individually, but I also have an open and ongoing group made just for people with chronic illness to connect with others who get it. If that sounds like the kind of group you need, I encourage you to check out Chronically Ill Connections. We’d love to have you!
In my blog posts, I talk about how chronic illness shows up in therapy, how trauma therapy looks different from “normal talk therapy,” what makes group therapy so special, and a bunch of other things! Come along for the ride by signing up to get on my email list.
1. An uncertain or changing future
Chronic illness can develop over many years, or it can come suddenly and unexpectedly. No matter the case, if you find you’re no longer able to do the things you once took for granted, it can make you question what your future will look like. This is where chronic illness can intersect with grief, and with trauma. One way of understanding trauma is to think of it as what happens when a stressor exceeds our capacity to cope or the support we have access to. If you experience a major grief event and do not have the support, either internally or externally, to cope with your situation, you may experience that grief event as a trauma.
I want to be clear here and say that trauma is never the survivor’s fault, and a lack of internal or external support never signals a failure on the part of the survivor. The whole point is that the trauma is an event you could never be prepared for. Trauma is often understood through the lens of war, or single, acute events like a car crash or extreme violence. But what we know now is that trauma can include many other events and losses that hurt just as badly, even if they don’t happen in a single extreme moment. The loss of life plan that so often happens with chronic illness is one such event.
It’s possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling life while chronically ill. And, it usually requires adaptability, support, and grief. All of these things can be true at once. This is the nature of trauma.
2. Lack of understanding among friends and family
The abled people around you may struggle to really understand what the experience of chronic illness is really like. Isolation can become one of the hardest parts of chronic illness, as close friends grow distanced, and you’re forced to cancel on plans more often due to symptoms. Family and close friends, well-intentioned, can still cause great hurt and othering through their lack of understanding around what chronic illness is really like. Well-meaning positive platitudes don’t just miss the mark, but can actually dig the hurt in deeper and alienate the person who’s ill.
In my therapy practice, one sentence I say often is “Humans are social creatures.” To be healthy, we as humans require social stimulation and belonging in a group. As chronic illness causes you to shrink away from social communities you used to feel belonging in, and fewer friends reach out, it can cause not just anxiety and stress, but a true mental and emotional agony. Being cut off from community can become a form of trauma in and of itself, and for those with chronic illness, this loss of connection may be the thing that causes the most heartache.
3. Inability to get needed medical care
We all want to trust that if we ever really needed help, we’d have access to a doctor who knew what to do. Unfortunately, that’s often not the case at all. like I mentioned up at the start of this article, minority status can make getting medical care way harder. I want to name that of the various ways this can be true, none are more prominent than race. Black, Indigenous, and other people of color are more likely to lack insurance, to have worse insurance, to be denied treatment, to be discriminated against by medical professionals, and to be provided fewer accommodations anywhere they go. These injustices can lead to worse health outcomes and are, by themselves, traumatic.
There are also many other ways minority status may result in worse medical care. People with low income often encounter added difficulty navigating the system, as do queer people, neurodivergent people, and, yes, disabled people, to name only a few. Chronic illness is very often disabling, and disability is a minority group in our country that is often discriminated against. Simply being chronically ill may make treatment for chronic illness harder to come by. Lastly, I want to intentionally add that fat people also face harsh discrimination in our society and by our medical professionals. Slowly, we are learning and accepting the concept of Health At Every Size, but we are still woefully far from where we need to be for equal access to quality care. Good doctors exist, but there are not enough of them.
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What I’ve said here barely scrapes the surface of ways that chronic illness and trauma intersect, and how painful this can be for many. If you recognize yourself in what I’ve said above, I encourage you to seek support. Even if you’ve spend years convincing yourself you should be able to handle it all on your own, you don’t have to keep doing that. You deserve to have someone in your corner who will work through the hard things with you. If you’re in Oregon and want to join a group of people navigating this very thing, consider checking out my group, Chronically Ill Connections. And if you’re interested in individual therapy work, I’d love to talk more.
I specialize in helping folks with C-PTSD navigate chronic illness and identity formation, and I use attachment theory and trauma-informed, person-centered care to do it. I can see anyone in Oregon over telehealth, and I have an in-person office in Newberg for people around Yamhill county on Fridays. Therapy with me involves coping skills to help you stabilize, and deeper work to help you get to the root of things.
A lot of my clients tell me they’ve gotten so good at being who everyone needs that they’re not sure anyone actually knows the real person behind the mask. I help people in those shoes build a life where you get to be fully yourself and still feel deeply connected to the people around you. If that sounds like you, let’s talk and see if we’re a good fit. I can’t wait to meet you!
No AI used ever in the making of this (or any other) post :)